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Seth Rogen is America's Founding Stoner in SNL's Colonists Sketch
This classic SNL sketch co-starring Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader tells the story of "Stonetown."
Over the years, Saturday Night Live has spun a lot of alternative American history, from the "Washington's Dream" sketch to "Declaration Pitch," which is arguably a National Treasure prequel. And during Seth Rogen's October 6, 2007 episode, SNL set forth another fictional untold story: That of our nation's founding stoner, John Stone (Rogen).
A fitting sketch to star the Pineapple Express star and cannabis company owner, "America's First Colonists" is a mock documentary about Stonetown, a "failed colony" that predated Jamestown, Virginia. When Native Americans introduce Rogen's John Stone to a special plant, things get goofy and not every colonist is down for it.
The sketch co-stars Season 33 MVPs Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Bill Hader, Will Forte, Jason Sudeikis, Fred Armisen, and Kenan Thompson.
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Seth Rogen's SNL sketch is a (fake) American history lesson
"You're watching The History Channel. which probably means you're not that happy with the present," a voiceover says at the top of the sketch. We soon meet John Stone (Seth Rogen), founder of Stonetown.
"Why did Jamestown survive and Jonestown perish?" Opening on a scene in which a colonist named Joseph (Bill Hader) complains of disease and withered crops, and another colonist (Will Forte) assures him that Stone will have the answers.
"Hey everybody, whassup man?" Stone greets the colonists, his eyes at half mast. He explains that while he "hasn't been the best leader," he has "awesome news" about something he learned from some "mellow" local Native Americans.
"They showed me a crop that we can grow, and I'll be honest: It's a pretty good crop," he says, giggling. "Ya smoke it!"
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Cut to colonists (Hader, Jason Sudeikis, and Amy Poehler) high on the new crop, dancing and licking corn while a skeptical pilgrim (Kristen Wiig) glowers at Stone.
"So what's this invention of yours?" Forte's colonist asks him.
"Okay: It's a sack, there's seeds in it, and you kick it around with your feet so it doesn't touch the ground," Stone explains, wowing the colonist with the country's first hacky sack. "I think it's like a great way to waste a day man," he says.
Finally, Wiig's colonist warns them that "ever since you planted that cursed crop every day has been wasted." Stone assures her that they won't run out of food in winter, and he's planning for the future in another way.
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"We have a three-day music festival this weekend, guys!" Stone announces to woos and cheers. Pipe hits from a gun and Stone's "air lute" don't help with the "running out of food" situation.
"The fate of Stonetown colony remains a mystery," the narrator says. "Though many scholars believe the answer may lie in this mysterious inscription." Like the real-life lost Roanoke colony's "Croatoan" carving, Stonetown's residents inscribed "Munchies" into a rock.
Watch SNL's "America's First Colonists" above.
